✨ Your Integration Bestie ✨

For years, English was my thing. Until it wasn’t. 
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It wasn’t just a language I learned and loved – it became part of who I was.
I was the girl who picked it up quickly.
The one who built a career out of it.
The only non-native English teacher among native-speaking colleagues.
Heck, I even built an entire business based on it.
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It gave me a sense of confidence. Belonging. Identity.
I loved being able to communicate and connect with people fluently in English.
I truly enjoyed that version of me.
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But when I moved to the Netherlands in 2023, everything shifted.
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Suddenly, English didn’t feel like a superpower anymore.
It started to feel… inconvenient.
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I was still in Europe, in a multilingual international city. But something about speaking English made me feel like I was asking for too much.
I felt like I was always intruding.
Like people were doing me a favour by switching languages.
Like I should be trying harder.
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And so for the first time in a long time, I started to feel out of place – in English.
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It was disorienting.
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This language that had always helped me build bridges started to feel like a wall.
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At the supermarket, at the train station, at the pharmacy —
I’d try to speak Dutch, only for the words to vanish the moment it was my turn. And then I’d default to: “Surely they’ll understand simple English…”
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And then I’d feel it — the guilt.
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The guilt of being that expat.
The one who didn’t try hard enough.
The one who expected the world to accommodate her, just because she spoke the global language.
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My boyfriend once joked that I had an “English-speaking country complex.”
But deep down, I knew it wasn’t arrogance.
It was fear. It was discomfort. It was loss.
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Loss of the version of myself I had worked so hard to become.
The confident one. The capable one.
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Because for the first time, English didn’t feel like an edge.
It made me feel small. Inadequate.
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And I missed Australia.
I missed the ease, the comfort, and the freedom to express myself fully – with nuance, wit, sarcasm, and depth.
I missed not having to rehearse every question in my head before talking to a stranger.
I missed feeling at home in a language.
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So yes – that first year in the Netherlands was rough.
Not because I didn’t love it here.
But because I didn’t feel like myself here.
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It’s humbling to realise that what once made you strong doesn’t always translate across borders.
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Now that I’m in my second year, here’s what I’ve learned:
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✨ Power isn’t just about fluency — it’s about flexibility.
✨ Voice isn’t just about words — it’s about courage.
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If you feel like you’re floating between who you were and who you’re becoming –
That’s okay. That space is where growth happens.
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You’re not less than.
You’re just in the middle.
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And even if you lose pieces of who you once were, it doesn’t mean you’re falling behind.
It means you’re growing in a new direction. ✨